16 May, 2006

note: because some programmer loves me, they coded in a "save the preview" feature, so that if I'm typing up a diary entry and my nightly build of $browser tanks, I don't lose it. Which I thought I had done, in this case. So this entry is a few days old.



It's funny the things that come up when somebody asks you to describe your life in forty five minutes. If you're particularly lucky, it might take three or four forty five minute sessions to describe just what has happened to you since you instilled your mother with post partum depression.


Again, if you're lucky, you probably don't dredge up some deep seated hatred that's been influencing your life for thirty years. Well, okay, twenty. It's frankly rather charming that drugs can both mask that hatred, and prevent the further seeds from growing. Or so it seems, while the drugs last. Well, that and nobody asks you about said hatred or what makes you do 120 (thats mph, you euros) with the traction control off around turns in morning traffic.


The world is peachy.


The STI, while delayed, should be arriving this month. The wife, happily, has abandoned her Shures for my last pair of Etymotics. I've since moved on. The happy result of this is that she has to bite back vitriole and ridicule when a customer comes to her and tells her that the Shures or the Ety's "aren't bassy enough." Well, mister, fuck your bass. What headphones, and indeed speakers, are about, is accurate reproduction of what the musician cut onto the wax. And if your interpretation of their music is more bass, well, go and be a fucking musician yourself. Get a pair of Ety's and you know what sound is really supposed to sound like. If you want bass, Bran Van 3000 has some tracks that will utterly tax your cans -- or car stereo, etc.


Obligatory biographical technological open sourcical related stuffness...


So picture a trajectory:


  1. Helpdesk (or junior sysad)
  2. Sysad
  3. Senior Sysad
  4. Sysad that moves to the business side, directing sysad operations
  5. Business sysad moves to corporate side, helping corporate understand how business interacts with sysad side.
  6. Sysad then moves to CTO/CDO/CIO (CDO is a Yahooism, Chief Data Officer) type position.


By the by, the above could probably s/sysad/programmer/ if need be. So life places me at the 4-5 junction right now. Meaning I still write code, and I am continually surprised at just how facile a process it is. I need a build process for a piece of software (okay, so throw that "don't be a djb" stone at me now, I don't mind), and I write one. But you know, I'm tired of scraping my knuckles putting machines in racks. And I find that sysads are generally pretty boring (if nominally competent) people.


To get more out of your career, you gotta ascend that ladder. There are people who are happy with 2-3, but for sanity's sake, can you do that for a career? What if you live to be 100? What if you live to be 170? And you plan to retire at 65, after having earned $90,000 for twenty years (okay, this is a little US centric). Maybe you made it to step 4, and it's a little closer to $100-110k.


Write a perl script with me. Take a number. Let's say you save $12,000 a year. That's a lot of money, really, a thousand dollars a month. More than most people set aside. How long before that becomes a million? Let's look at this:


my $i = 12000;
my $p = 0;
my $y = 1;
my $ir = 1.055; # interest rate
while ($p <= 1000000) {
$p += $i;
$p *= $ir;
$p += $i;
$y++;
}
print "You saved $y years to make a million bucks. $/"


In 23 years, of saving a thousand dollars a month, assuming a steady 5.5% (i.e., no "tits up" markets between now and then, etc), you'd have a million bucks. How long would that last you? Fidelity told me recently that it would cost $640,000 in health care costs for me and my wife if we retire at 62 and plan to die (how morbid!) at 100. That leaves us about a thousand a year. Hmmmm. Scientific American and various other journals keep harping (even USN&WR a couple weeks ago as near as said we'd cured cancer starting with HPV) and that "this generation" (you and me, folks) would be living longer. A lot longer.) The Extropians think we'll live forever, if we plan things just right between now and "then". The Methuselah Project seems to also hint at a vastly longer lifespan.


And so we change $i from something like 12,000 to 40,000, and we take the steps from our above list, because otherwise, our craft kills us.


Sell out or die (or live forever) poor.

I am no longer working for Microsoft. There have been some sordid rumors about why and how I left. They are mostly untrue.
This is me within about an hour of parting ways with "the 'Soft." First, precisely how perturbed do I appear to be? Second, can you guess how many drugs I'm on? Or which drugs they are?


When I am ready, I will explain the whole debacle. But that day is not today.


So, the STI arrived. Fun fun fun. (till her daddy takes the t-bird away, right?) We'll be breaking the car in for a thousand miles or whatever, and then I'll take it out to WV and we'll get some timeslips for it. The thing is a beast.


Anyways, recent events have made sunsets look like ice storms. I'm not sure if it's carry-over post-hawaii melancholy, or whether it's related to the previous entry about the seeming futility of life.


Allow me to present an anecdote. My wife tells the story of a customer that came to her and was talking about how he was finally retiring, or getting to the age where he could retire. Kids had gone through college, etc. I think she said the guy was sixtysomething. It doesn't matter. The point is, she laughs, and tells the guy, my husband is 28, and he wants to retire at 28. He wants to move to Hawaii (the big island, please), and live off the most meager of livings ($10/hr fry cook, right?). But at least we wouldn't have a credit card bill, or jobs to fuss about, and so on. I'd get to swim in my ocean (yes, the pacific is mine!) every single day.


What did the guy say? Do it! Do it while you still can. Do it before you have kids. Do it before you have any financial commitments to physical property. If you can move out there, buy a house, and live modestly for the rest of your life, you'd be insane not to. This industry burns us all out. Programmers, sysadmins, even the PM's (who generally only serve to fuck things up), they all burn out. They don't get to the point of ritual cutting (usually...), but it's just torture. The career of a lot of these people is like 4-5 years. Some asshole who laid me off back in 1996 went on from his "IT management" position to sell used Saturns. Man, fuck that. Lots of wisdom in the cut-and-run philosophy, I think. We might even have enough money by the time I'm 30 that we could move to the big island and buy a house and get modest jobs to support the normal expenses of life. And I wouldn't have to write paragraphs like I'm about to.


A while ago I quoted a Richard Morgan book, Altered Carbon (suggest reading previous entry and possibly following up with reading the book. It was good.) But let's look at this again, because it is once again, relevant:


    Little people, they liquidate. And time and again they cream your liquidation, your displacement, your torture and brutal execution with the ultimate insult that it's just business, it's politics, it's the way of the world, it's a tough life, and that it's nothing personal. Well, fuck them. Make it personal.



I am a buddhist (although believe me, I'd be a Quellist if I was cast into one of RKM's books). I don't generally believe in violence. But she's got the right idea. The old boys club doesn't get it, or thinks they're immune. Organizations become static and stratified ("biologists have a word for static...") and impenetrable. Well, fuck them. Torture, execution, liquidation, insult, and so on, are very, deeply personal things. Nobody "makes a business decision" to torture someone.


So next time somebody says to you, hey, I fucked you over, hard as I could, but it was only business, nothing personal, try to see it for what it is. Make it personal.