This just in!

In this breaking story, WJLA corrspondant Cock Sux0r has interviewed Alex Avriette, chief Tool of Wankrite Systems. This juicy tidbit should hold you over until eleven, when Mr. Sux0r will air his full, no holds barred interview with Mr. Avriette.

CS: Mr. Avriette, is it true you're not a violent man?
AA: I have to tell you Cock, I gave up violence long ago, around the time I performed the bloodletting ceremony required of all initiates into the Buddhist cult.
CS: Can you tell me more about this?
AA: Well, with those Jews and Christians, I had just about reached the end of my rope with all the corpses-on-crosses and buggery. I found that the conversion to Buddhism, while entirely outside the scope of normal violence and society's mores, still fit into my personal held belief that people should suffer before accepting God. Or Buddha as the case may be.
CS: Can you tell us more about this, Alex?
AA: I'm not sure I can really go into this, Cock.
CS: I'm sorry to hear that. The American public has been anxious to hear about this since your much publicized conversion.
AA: The American Public? Cock, why didn't you tell me that my public reputation was on the line?!
CS: Well, you know, you've always been against the more violent and macabre religions, and yet here you are joining Buddhism, another "Temple of Doom" as they've said...
AA: Mr. Sux0r, let me put an end to this right now. I still harbor homicidal tendencies. In fact, foremost on my mind are the developers at Apple Computer. The ones specifically responsible for the ackles in the Airport Base Station.
CS: To be honest, Mr. Avriette, I didn't think you still had it in you.
AA: Cock, let me be the first to say that I am most certainly still a trained killer.

You heard it, folks. Mr. Avriette confesses his homicidal fantasies as indulged by none other than Guatama Buddha himself. Stay tuned at Eleven, after the news!

In Washington DC, today, a small flock of albino pigs were seen flying over the capital. Mr. Bush was quoted as saying, "Ms. Pelosi, I always said that'd happen before you took office. Appears you have beaten your porcine competitors... Give Bushy a hug!"

I miss kehei

moco ftw

What is Kihei?

again.

The bugs are back. I just don't know what the fuck to say anymore. In a new twist for me, my tongue has swollen up in addition to the various lesions on it. This means it's very hard to breathe, because it blocks my airway. The opposite is leaving my mouth open with my tongue hanging out. That's not really what my customers want me to see. And since the tongue is so goddamn swollen, it gets caught between teeth that were not threatening before. Now I wake up with wicked sores on my tongue (and I have fucking lesions on said tongue from an overproductive mycoconqueror!!).

I don't know that I'm even going to be able to work like this, as I can hardly talk.

So ready for this to be over.

Giant purple members

Why is it that people are willing to bend over to have me come and work on a SF12K? It's not the world's hardest machine to operate. Solaris isn't such a hard OS to work on, and the thing more or less takes care of itself. If it breaks, it tells you, and you call Sun. Because you certainly don't keep a spare boardset around. I refuse to believe that the machines are so difficult to run and own that they're reaching out to the one guy (me) who seems to be able to handle it in the metro dc area.

Backstory: this particular government organization has tried to hire me to work in one of their datacenters three times now. The first time, I told them to fuck right off. The second time, I said "well, I did tell you guys to fuck off, are you sure you want to hire me?" The third time, I reiterated. "Hey, did I not tell you guys to fuck off? Was I unclear? Or are you willing to make this a better option for me?"

The mind boggles.

Twits

To combat global warming, Google worked with "a team of students from over twenty countries" and tried to come up with some solutions. Among the top fifty are:

• Wait until you have a lot of clothes to wash before using the washing machine.
• The media should tell us about what is really going on with global warming. We don't think that we have all the information we need.
• Place recycling bins throughout the city wherever there is a trash can.
• Protect our oceans - prevent plankton in the ocean from dying.
• Enforce laws about littering.
• Include global warming/climate change in school curricula (as part of National Science Standards), so when the students are in charge they can make educated decisions.
• Make recycling mandatory in all public facilities, such as schools, parks and beaches.
• The media should conduct interviews of legislators to help the public become aware of their ability and willingness to help solve the problem.
• Protect wetlands and preserve more open space.
• Require that car dealers hand out fact sheets that inform car buyers about the pollution levels of different cars.

My god. They're spewing out recommendations to Earth At Large to help curb global warming, while including in those solutions "we're not sure what the fuck we're talking about, and that's the fault of our teachers." And the recycling thing? WTF? Cars all come with window stickers listing their emissions characteristics. And, really, it's not the car dealer's problem to track this stuff. Consumer Reports and several other organizations do this. Just like the NHTSA collects statistics about unsafe vehicles.

I really can't believe this stuff. It's very hard for me to believe that these children have any idea what the Kyoto Accords actually mean. Or that they understand the mechanics of "hybrid" vehicles. It's also curious nobody mentions nuclear power. I also fail to understand the connection between littering, laundry, and global warming. Sure, styrofoam has CFC's, but I don't remember the last time I used a styrofoam cup. And it's hard to believe that all those evil styrofoam cups that are out there are doing more damage than, say, Chinese coal plants (and to the Chinese' credit, they're building enormous hydroelectric plants). Laundry? I'm terrified of any suggestion to kids that they clean their festering corpses less frequently than they already do.

Maybe they should stop using all that evil toilet paper, and instead recycle the aluminum foil they routinely throw out. Or get a fucking bidet or something. For fuck's sake.

It's just so fucking typical of the bedwetting leftist crowd. Oh my god! Sky falling! Build giant government apparatus to protect us all from the evil sky! Oh dear, oh heavens!!

The government is not a social service. It's not here to make sure everyone's ass get wiped, it's here to run the country. And running the country does not mean picking up the pieces after you fucked up your life. Or fixing the planet after you fucked it up.

• http://www.google.com/educators/globalwarming_results.html
• http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2006/11/update-global-warming-speakout.html

Fucking whiny pissant bitches.

Cats

Anyone in need of a cat is invited to email me. I'm sick of the fucking beasts. Good home or not. For all I care, you could make jerky out of them. The more painful, the better.