There's always one...

Whether it's the youngest child or the oldest, the half-sibling or step-sibling, or one parent or another, there is always one who is special. The special person gets more favors from more people in the family than everyone else.

What I want to know is what's wrong with the ones who aren't? Is it leprosy? Humanity is full of bigoted, biased, small-minded people and closely guarded egos. If you're not the special one, get the fuck out of the way, lest the rest of your family or circle of friends decide that they can do without you.

If they've already reached that conclusion and you find yourself on a familial desert island, get the fuck out. Sever those fucking bonds. They never had a right to make any in the first place. Just GTFO and remember next time you fall in love or spend time with your or anyone else's parents that they are veritably reptilian in their jealousy and bias. They'd toss you in an oubliette as soon as look at you.

The moral: People are fucking disgusting inside. Never trust anyone. You'll live an ascetic, lonely, but safe and self-sufficient life. Fuck them. Fuck them all.

What a time to be out of books & money

Recent struggles have cut us pretty close to the bone and we're concentrating on cash outflows. In the meantime, my favorite authors have been writing and publishing. All these authors save one live in the UK. So not only are they priced in pounds sterling (which really has the dollar at a disadvantage) but shipping across the Atlantic is shamefully expensive, too.

Some of them are available in the US, but they're always in these horrible paperback formats (not even trade paperback) and not on the normally very good quality imprints, like Gollancz. I like the Gollancz books (among other imprints) because I've been consistently buying them for over a decade (basically when I moved east) and they match the others on my shelf. Is that a vanity? I don't think so. I have so many of them, and the UK books are typeset better, copyedited better, look better, and have better bindings. Small price to pay when you're raking in more than ten-to-the-fifth, but the shipping and currency conversion could literally buy me more books.

Drat. Really, really drat.

Also, why the hell is the Xeelee omnibus not available in the US? I mean, even Amazon (dot us) claims to know nothing about it. It's a good thing to have published due to the positively enormous time scales in Baxter's books and the interleaving of several plots/story lines/characters amongst independent sequences (such as Coalescent/Exultant/Transcendent with the Xeelee sequence). Maybe Americans are just too goddamn thick to read a few thousand pages to understand the scale of a story. Or, perhaps worse, do publishers in the UK just make that decision for themselves, assuming that everyone across the Atlantic are a bunch of illiterate rednecks?

New photos from Sep 11

The New York Times (...) is running a story including some of the photos that were reportedly obtained by ABC News via a FOIA request displaying the attacks on the World Trade Center (warning, spoilers:) and its eventual collapse.

What I'd like to know is why the government hasn't produced any satellite photos it has (which surely exist), and further why nobody has released commercial imagery which also surely must exist. Companies like Google own assets like Keyhole, which means they have space-borne imagery (behold the power of using Google for unclassified data aggregation). I can think of no better way to have photographed the scene. Sure, they might not have been in place during the original attacks (but from my time at NOAA, I can guarantee they had birds watching at the time of the attacks, especially given it was an early weekday morning–I was at the office already), but to suggest that nobody did what they could to move a bird into place is to be willfully ignorant.

So, then, where's the beef? Who is hiding the rest of the photos? Did we not have AWACS around? Or JSTARS? RC-135's? We, that is to say America, have so many imaging systems in-atmosphere and in low-or-geostationary orbit for indirect fire, for comms relay, and so on, that it is simply preposterous for anyone to allege that there is no further imagery.

Because these photos are now being released (and/or unclassified), what is the hold-up preventing the rest of them being released, however masked (the DoD frequently releases imagery from satellites that is heavily obscured to prevent people from understanding what we can actually do with space imagery)?

(note: The photos are said to have been released from NIST. I do not own the rights to them, and will happily remove them if somebody would like to assert copyright. But, given they are from NIST and released from the government, I think it is reasonable to assume that the US Government's "lack of copyright" 

might apply.)

ed: formatting

Ariel Atom 20% off

The folks that build the Atom are now offering kits (no powertrain) for a hair shy of US$41k. That's awesome. Let the monster Atom wars begin. Who's going to be the first guy with a blown 502 in an Atom?

Climate politics

Can somebody explain to me how global warming can coexist with record cold winters and very lazy, un-hot summers? I am not a baptized anti-global-warming-ist at all. I am just very confused by what seems to be contradictory data.

Exercise physiology

I managed to tweak my brachioradialis yesterday while doing rows and lat pulldowns. Either that or some of the weighted cardio which works on the transverse abdominus (we call this "core strength" I suppose). Today, my right arm hurts more than the entirety of the musculoskeletal back. My hams and quads are sore too, but it's very strange to have hurt elsewhere than my back for a change.

The drug regimen changed (reduced dosage, reduced interval; the overall dosage is higher, but there are fewer troughs between dosages, leading to less breakthrough pain and better analgesia) as well, so I think I might be better masking the back pain and the arm equates to what I would normally call breakthrough pain, but I'm in no hurry to taper off and find out. Because of the pain, of course. I am not worried about physical or psychological addiction to the fentanyl at this point. I've been on it long enough, tapered frequently enough, and tolerate it well enough that it's not a serious problem unless I have a cold-turkey quit on accident (e.g., the pharmacist fucks up and I can't get the refill for a week; those people ought to be held civilly accountable for the damage they do to me just like a doctor would be!).

In addition to the drug change making my back less of an issue is the change from tension bands and isometric exercise to free weights and weight machines for my exercise. I'm accustomed to using "thera-band" type equipment and "swedish ball" type exercises (sometimes called "medicine ball" or "therapy ball"), but the gym at home doesn't have any bands, and the ball they have is too small (55cm; mine at home is 75cm, which makes it just outside the realm of reasonable portability).

So I guess the body is adjusting to new exercise and volume and weights (isometric is very different than weights).

Another weird effect is this huge swing in my appetite. Normally I don't want to eat much, and I actually eat less than I want to eat (because there's only meat around or terribly fatty foods, which is just unappetizing, even if I am hungry). Lately, though, I've been woken up in the middle of the night craving sweet foods (carrot cake anyone?), and during the day I seem to be hell-bent on carbs (bread and raw grains) and protein (sadly, chicken).

Lots of weird changes. I miss Pete a lot. The dude is a fucking rock star. He'd be so proud of me today to see what I'm doing after breaking my back. Looks like he's back in San Diego. Mebbe I ought to go say hello some time.

I'm going to be putting together one of Google's new "Pages" (capital P there, folks) with resources for people who need PT or medical care and are frustrated with their current faculties. I'll be putting Pete on there when I get a chance.

A quick note for trauma and spinal injury patients

I have dislocated both shoulders and both knees as well as one of my hips (don't ask). The pain is of course a lot to deal with, but I'm just about the last person alive who would let pain slow me down. Frankly, I will plow right through pain and hike down the mountain, or get back on the bike, or continue to walk home, through the snow, and so on.

But something that's really bothered me in the past because of trauma is the impaired balance I get. I suspect this comes from blows to the head, numerous as I've had, as it manifests most after the accident and tends to taper and go away after.

So as part of my home therapy kit, I have a pair of 5lb ankle weights which are apparently Nike branded. They're neoprene and polyester with lead pellets filling two symmetrical pouches which are held on either side of the ankle.

They are very effective for dislocated joints in my legs (I just use free weights for my arms, held at the wrist). Since I am an engineer, writer, and teacher, I spend a lot of time at the computer or desk in general, just writing. This entire time, most of us shut off the extraneous functions like fidgeting and the like and, at least in my case, the rest of my body seems to enter a sort of torpor that doesn't bother me while the brain is at work.

During this time I can actually do thousands of leg lifts a day, alternating from one to the other. This helps me with the motorcycle as it strengthens my IT-band, my knees, and even my ankles. It burns calories to boot.

But what I've found recently is that it also increases my balance. By adding ten pounds to the base of my structure (that is, directly above my feet), I geometrically lower my center of gravity/balance. As such, I can sort of push against that weight at my feet and use its additional stability to stand up, and then reach for something (like a door frame) if I have to. Without it, I am often dizzy standing up, or wind up placing unnecessary force on my knees. Give it a try. I even find them comfortable to sleep in, and it's a real kick to walk around (heh, no pun intended) when I take them off.

Best of luck.

It's only a flesh wound

The snow is not that bad, guys.

This just in

While Voltaren gel has never done anything for my back (broken vertebrae, muscle fatigue, spondylothesis and spondylosis), it seems to be working incredibly on my knees, both of which have been dislocated numerous times. I'm waiting for the next time my shoulder comes apart to see if it works there, but it's a subjectively different feeling, and I'm not sure it will work as well on shoulders.

For the record, I'd love to have a topical that worked on my back (Flector patches do seem to work, but the vehicle has issues) so that I can apply it where it hurts rather than generally.

And since we're on the subject of patches and topicals, Lidoderm (Endo) is effective for very minor pain caused by bruising or swelling. But it's far inferior to either of the above drugs.

I'm seriously going to have to write a short "Pain, Drugs, and How to Feel Better" book. It's one thing to have your doctor know about the drugs, but it's entirely another to find one that works for you. There are so many different drugs that even somebody who is reasonably competent is going to have to "try a few" before they find the right drug for the pain that they are in. Luckily, I've done most of the research and broken the bones just for you. Heh. A sad kind of 'heh.'

Chase auto financing

It's really kind of disgusting to read the things Chase says and does to its customers. Chase actually called my mother, whose number is about as unlisted as my own, for a car loan (fifteen payments to go, even; we're nowhere even near upside-down) that is paid up. My guess is the last payment took too long in the mail? At any rate, aren't these the folks that so badly mismanaged their own money that they received a federal payment to cover their own losses? Was that loan itself inspiration to ride their customers harder? Has the government actually contributed to corporations surviving to extract additional pounds of flesh from citizens?

This all seems kind of morbidly ironic. When you consider how they got to the position they're in, Chase, and what they are now doing, it is hard not to be sick.

Upon looking deeper it appears that a figure of sixty billion dollars or so was "borrowed" by these loan companies and has subsequently been repaid. I guess what has happened is the banks really don't want to do that again, and the public is so outraged by the situation that they are being even more bellicose than they were before they decided that debt was better than assets. What a bunch of nitwits. It's like a six year old taking out its frustration on a younger sibling.

desperation

I just wanted to point out there is lots of stuff to read on my amazon wish list and that I am presently out of fiction and mostly out of money. Just saying.

Grace

Grace has always been an inspiration for me, and she's out doing it again. Best wishes, Grace.

incidental healing happenstances

I am shifting from flexibility and rehab physical therapy to core strength pt. The difference is quite a contrast, but I need both pieces to fully recover. I am also shifting my diet around a little. I'm becoming much more vegetarian where and when I can; it's not a philosophy, it's simply something that makes me feel better. I will eat meat if it's the only thing available, or if we're looking at raw bigeye tuna.

When changing from water to vegetable juice at home, I discovered that there is a lot of salt in most vegetable juice cocktails including V8. This latter, in fact, has 1/4 a given daily recommended amount. So, if somebody were to complete a 2,000 calorie work out, and then have another because they were parched or weak after the work-out, they would be at 1/2 the RDA, and add to that any incidentals during the day–Gatorade, iced (and hot) teas, vegetable dishes, and so-on–and suddenly, the sodium level becomes quite high. It balances on something like a knife, as well.

The relationship between sodium levels and water is tightly correlated. If one drinks more water, without adding more sodium, one loses sodium with the normal excretion process (including sweating, mind). With increased hydration, blood pressure stabilizes.

Consider though the patient who burns 2,000 calories in a work-out with cardio activity, who drinks vegetable juices and eats largely vegetables, and also drinks a lot of water to counter-effect the pain drugs (in this case, let's just say opiates and even NSAIDs) cause: they severely dehydrate.

In this last case, we see somebody who is very prone to dehydration because of both their salt intake and their use of medication. If this same person notices a change in their blood pressure (through any number of ways; in this case it was both weight loss and a per-volume perceptible increase in sodium intake), they may choose to do things to reduce their blood pressure in what is already a volatile and dynamic situation.

In my case, I cut as close to zero as I could on sodium, increased my water intake, and reduced even vegetable intake such that it would be lower sodium, higher water. At the same time, I remained on the same drugs, and while I was going to PT, I was switching from flexibility and stability to strength-building.

I became severely weak, tired, and uncomfortable. I would drink water and it would make me miserable. After about nine days of this, and having no idea what it was (and being a hundred and ten pounds down from the time of the accident, which masks a lot of things), I had gotten only around eight hours of sleep (less than ninety minutes a night for eight days), I had an overwhelming need for Cup-O-Noodles or Ramen. In the end, I failed on both but I managed to heat about twelve ounces of water to boiling in a small bowl with a single chicken bouillon cube and a handful of mostly crushed ramen noodles. It was amazing. I suddenly became so thirsty I reached in to the fridge for something to drink and I wanted nothing more than the iced tea. I killed most of 750ml of that and immediately collapsed into about two hours of sleep. I subsequently woke up and finished the rest of the tea and had what little V8 I had left in the fridge.

Was I really noticing a correlation between getting sleep and drinking, literally, salt water? Apparently. I was very confused and spoke to my pharmacist because I couldn't keep track of all the processes going on here:

Weight loss
Spine injury
Narcotic, continuous-delivery pain medication
Dehydration
Insomnia
Valerian & Trazodone
Vigorous exercise, the cessation thereof, and switching to another form of same

She told me that what I had going on was a very serious lack of sodium. Because I was compelled to drink so much water in general, and I had curtailed my use of sodium, I was experiencing a lot of discomfort because the un-salted water I was "taking" was dramatically reducing my sodium levels, in combination with my own reduction in sodium intake. When I began getting sodium back into my diet, and I took water with it as well, I immediately started getting sleep. So much in fact that I need to be careful to take sodium where I can sleep.

Now, I guess I need to just go back to my old routine of getting sodium in the way I was and keep an eye on the V8 product. I'm going to cut back to one a day. It's a great serving of nutrition, but it really should be one-a-day. Probably a litre or two during and surrounding workouts, and then a V8 before dinner and not too close to going to bed (it does give me a touch of indigestion). But in general, I'm going to un-do my moving away from sodium.

Who knew?

Interesting vectors

I could have guessed many of the things I'd be doing twenty years later when I was in school. I could not however guess that I would be doing all of them. Spacecraft and unix engineering and mechanical engineering and teaching?

It is tremendously rewarding to have all these things in my life. I made a decision years ago, I suppose, that I couldn't stomach just being one-disciplined. I got sick of being just one kind of engineer, working in a homogeneous environment with largely homogeneous people. At the time, it was incredibly frustrated. It felt like I had painted myself into a corner.

At no point did I look up from my plate and think, hey, where did that turbine come from? Have I actually managed to gain new skills and experiences? That's peculiar. Rather, it all kind of just happened. There were a couple of head traumas along the way (how a head trauma can lead to developing new skills is still beyond me, but it's undeniable that it happened) and some other physical obstacles, but the logical end is a sea change that started many years ago and has crested into a wave on an entirely different shore.

Which, really, is more where I want to be.

Recycling F-16's

As F-16's are turned into QF-16's and the QF-4's are running out, there is now a fairly straight market for the parts from a decommed Viper. As it turns out I'm able to get flight-ready components (as to maintain my flock of fighters) and build a "ground station" that can fly an F-16. My purpose is actually to use this for ground stations for Spun's UAVs. I can't wait. I haven't flown a Viper since 2005.

I'm going to love having a sidestick.

yes, i am asleep at the wheel. news later.

What's not to love?

just lookin to have some fun run my own tow shop and dont have time to get out much not lookin for a soul mate or anything just nsa fun with someone lookin for the same i dont smoke or drink but also dont mind if you do just tryin to stay young lol plus i need my wind at times hehe must have pics not going to lie cause they are important to me good size daddy from down town natti

Everything I've ever wanted in a man. Look at that haircut and the lovely 'stache. I think this may be the guy I'd go gay for.

God dammit, Sun

I would ordinarily wish I could blame this on Oracle, but clearly, this is all Scooter.

HPC for fucking dummies. Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Epidemics

It appears our fly intruders were breeding under the cat's water bowl. That's been cleaned and we added media to the bottom of the bowl to ensure the water evaporates. I would have preferred to educate the cat, but I think she's got a learning disability.

Where do I get a four-track recorder?

I am thinking about buying a 303 and an 808. I would also like to have a Korg Kaos pad. How expensive are four-tracks? Is there a "better" model?

fentanyl vs morphine

Using a sustained release morphine vehicle is fairly new. The standard seems to be Avinza (which is produced by a lab with serious financial problems...) for morphine and for fentanyl it's the 3-day patches from Sandoz and Mylan.

I have yet to find a sustained release morphine that lasts more than a full day (Avinza is absolutely a 24h pill, which is good; sustained hydrocodone/oxycodone are hard to come by because they're so widely prescribed. Note I am not even addressing Ox*C**tin, because it's been demonized in the press, and I feel like a criminal when I even say the name.

Subjective effects in vivo: Fentanyl takes anywhere from thirty minutes to a couple hours to start working. Part of this is your skin being used to it (I had "scales" at one time on my torso and couldn't find a piece of skin that worked. This is when I switched to Avinza.), part of it is that the patch, while a great vehicle, is not produced with the quality that most brand-label (in this case, Sandoz, but Sandoz patches are bloody horrible) meds have. There's a nonzero possibility that when you pull the patch out of its package, it will actually not have the adhesive/fentanyl on it. Worse, because it's Sched 2, I can't very well go back to the pharmacist and ask for a new one. Nor can I go to my doctor and ask for another. This is a real drag. That being said, Mylan is useful.

There's a small ramp up to feeling it, but I wouldn't describe anything as a 'high', a 'rush', or a 'buzz'. For me in particular, the patch just covers up a baseline of pain. I still get breakthrough pain, but the 'peak', and I do not mean the three previous words this time, either, ramps up gently in the period it takes to get moving, or, if you're stringing patches back-to-back (and you should be!), there's enough of a "tail" on fentanyl so there's no "let down" feeling. Say if you are due to change a patch today, you can leave the patch you had on in place while you affix the new patch. When you notice the new patch working, you fold the "old" patch so that the sticky stuff (fentanyl is a really serious drug and could kill children or spouses and certainly pets) and flush it. The overall effect of this is that there are very few "troughs" between doses.

I have read on forums on the webs that withdrawal from Fentanyl and Methadone (both are used in serious, chronic pain settings) is especially difficult (cf heroin, hydrocodone, oxycodone). This is not supported by the medical corpus and is probably variable per-user. I've been pretty blessed in that I've had only two serious DT's, both of which were related to the pharmacy's reluctance to order a full package of either of the drugs, as the market is very small (and some of these drugs cost a whole lot) The experience lasted a couple days and was miserable. No babies walking on the ceiling, but you feel like you're either really sick (see the lung butter sequence) or have a bad hangover (I've only ever had a hangover as bad as the DT's are). This, for me, lasts one to two days, and I'm cured. For some reason, I am interested in starchy food like a tv dinner macaroni and cheese (I do not eat that stuff, ever, except when I'm sick). I've never taken methadone, and don't intend to.

So on to the Avinza. Usually I don't even feel it working until I realize maybe six hours later (which was the very worst. Usually it's 1-2h) that it's working. Compare this to the Fentanyl which really lets you know what's going on. The taper-down that the patches have is not really evident with morphine. You've just got to take them systematically (because you may accidentally over dose yourself. I do not speak of an "overdose" here, but a titration you didn't mean to start). Further, because it's a once-a-day version instead of a once-every-third-day, you get a trough every single time, and this means your (well, mine anyways) behavior is sort of erratic. With large doses (I've taken the 25, 50, 75, and 100µg patches, and the 60mg and 120mg Avinza), this is more pronounced. So my spouse notices it, I am sure people that know me well enough to see that I'm "off" know that something is up. At least they're polite enough to ignore it. This is a real drag, and a good reason to avoid it.

When I have shortened the period between dosing on the morphine from 24 to, say, 12 or 18 hours (consider, you're going to be outside all day or out of town, or whichever, and you dose now rather than later to avoid a trough on the third day) This is entirely avoided by the patches.

While I have medical insurance, and I pay for my drugs on my FSA card (for people who have socialized health care, this is a credit card that's tied to a pre-tax deduction at the beginning of the year, up to $5,000), I am stunned to read the "RX Price" vs the "Insurance price" on the paperwork. Avinza, for a single month, costs just a few bucks short of $3,000. My copay is about $35. Again, though, it "feels free" because I don't have to provide cash.

There's one upside. There is not much in the way of cross-tolerance between morphine and fentanyl. So when I get to a point where I am very tolerant, I can take a "rest" and switch meds for a month or whichever. But, despite it seeming to have lots of promise (sustained morphine vehicles have been poor, and Avinza's vehicle is really slick) and a wide range of doses (up to 300mg; I take 120mg). Other than that, fentanyl wins every time.

I don't know why nobody talks about their experiences with seriously bad pain and spinal injuries on the webs. I haven't found much of anything except prn uses and junkies. So I don't put this up to show how cool I am, or stupid I was when I had the accident, but rather to provide a little insight into the drugs and how they work. It is worth noting that both Fentanyl and morphine are usually used at this dosage with hospices. Due to being more stupid than the norm, I tend to get in pretty bad accidents fairly frequently. I make these things publishable because nobody else will. Doctors don't like to talk about it, you won't get it in an ER if you're passing kidney stones (!) and when you first get yourself good-and-injured, it's easy to become lost in the bureaucracy without sufficient medications for pain.

In America, pain is one of the diagnostic criteria during your initial work-up with a doctor or nurse. This means it goes down on your chart at the same time with things like weight, height, blood pressure, temperature, and so on. This means you are allowed to have serious pain, and your doctors have a responsibility to treat you. If they don't play ball, leave. Get a better doctor. Doctors are squeamish about these kinds of drugs, but there are a large number of doctors who specialize in pain treatment (some of them just depend on an addict community, which sucks... they're really the bad element in this equation).

You own your person and you have a right to adequate treatment.

note: no, I will not sell, mail, give, or lose any of these drugs on my account. Don't ask. Please.

Homesick

I was looking through 303'a and 808's on ebay and their multitude of clones. It's less expensive to buy a used one than it was in 95-99. Most of those things are behind me, I guess. Quite a long time in the past these days. But listening to 303's immediately snapped me back to the deserts of California, where we heard them in performance. I am profoundly homesick, and it makes matters worse when I realize the "rave" is dead, and Budweiser sponsors "rave parties".

It may be that the only place left to go is ****tribe. And here I am, three thousand miles away.

A question for the President.

We all gave Bush shit about waging a war on two fronts (WWII anyone?). Personally I think it's important work, if misguided. But there's a dichotomy there. One of Obama's key goals for his presidency (which at this pace is only a four-year term) was the war in CENTCOM. He talked up and down about what he was going to do, what could be done, and so on.

As a person who's worked with the IC, the first thing that comes to mind (no, not body snatchers) is that when he became POTUS, he was probably briefed on the state of the union and very likely the state of the world. Such a briefing would probably have included military capabilities of our forces, as well as nations or organizations like North Korea. It would certainly have included high resolution from-orbit photos, various captured gitmo dodos. And of course, no such briefing would be complete without bringing to light all the little bits so he doesn't get flummoxed by sharp reporters.

So, really, wouldn't aid be sent to Iraq? Why the hell are we creating a national health service kind of like the UKs nhs, only without the good parts? Why not make our hospitals up-to-date and able to work with the initial burst of traffic they get. It will taper (the huge influx of people) over time, but the laws have no teeth unless the patient requires treatment and the local hospital is equipped with the necessary toolsL  CT or MRI, and so on. Employment goes up (if temporarily), the overall health of Americans could actually be measured, and I'd guess it was to the positive. Start with the facilities, and then force them to accept whatever platypus laws this administration come up with.

What then is Obama doing? I suspect he was read in to whatever they call the president's clearance, and it spooked him mightily. I consequently noticed that he stfu'd after taking the office. He has done nothing about the wars. He hasn't made the country well enough (a very broad pun, that) for a health bill to be viable.

Clearly, he's doing something, and it's not what he said he would do. I don't exactly mind this, but I'd kinda like to know his agenda.