i think it's time to retire

Caffeine and its myriad uses

There are caffeinated mints, caffeinated chocolate covered bacon, sodas with obscene amounts of caffeine, and all these are great for keeping you awake. I am irritated there are not caffeinated percocet treats. We've all had percocet and are familiar with what it does, what would be so hard and adding oxycodone to your average chocolate caffeinated candy?

After you've been sitting in an uncomfortable desk all day, your back is going to be hurting. No doubt about it. So why not just titrate a dose with oxycodone? Anyone serious about their job is not going to take enough that they're not capable of working, but it would save them the pain of the modern dysfunctional office.

We don't have any problem with people loaded to the gills on caffeine, why do we draw the line at oxycodone and hydrocodone? (to say nothing of oxymorphone)

It seems a little unfair to me.

Pain inna neck

Cleo struck and bit me this afternoon when I went to pick her up out of the tub she was feeding in (she was done). I think this is because her breeder taught her to only feed by having prey dangled in front of her. She literally won't eat prey that is on the ground in front of her; it's got to be in the air above her. Recipe for disaster if you ask me. Fine for a breeder, but not so good for a pet.

And she was really finicky about eating. Between killing the rat ("killing"–it was defrosted and very dead already) and eating it, she took a good six hours to think about it. She's gotten more social and more friendly since we first got her (she was a complete hostile spaz when she first arrived), but clearly she has a lot more polishing to go.

Been a long time since I've been bitten by a snake. Probably fifteen years. I don't think I did anything wrong in this case, but I'm going to be much more aware of how I approach her in the future.

Maybe she's just living up to her name. I'd hate to have a nippy snake, but we kind of set ourselves up for it by naming her Cleopatra.

The solution to gun violence

I have a pothos that sits on the window in a hydroponics garden on the windowsill. It's of course thriving because a pothos could thrive in straight water, and this one is not just getting straight water, it's getting straight water, lots of room for its roots, and nutrient film. So it's kind of taken over the south-western quadrant of the house. But now it's starting to encroach on the couch, and the first thought that came to my mind was, "boy, I'll teach that sucker with the 12 gauge, it'll never come back to the couch". Because of course the couch is where I hack, and while I love the pothos, pretty much the only things allowed on the couch are humans and snakes.

And then it struck me. I'm pretty sure the shotgun is loaded with three slugs and then five 00 buck rounds. The slugs would make absolutely no difference to the pothos. Within a week, it would send out a new runner, and I'd have my couch invaded again. With the buckshot, I'd blow holes in leaves, but how much worse is that then simple caterpillars, which a hydroponic pothos can simply shrug off? Then, I decided to get nasty. I thought, well, 00 is simply too big for killing plants. Maybe I need #8 shot. Lots and lots of little pellets. Maybe gratuitous use of a .410 or something. But even the tiny shot in a .410 would only serve to put tiny holes in the plant from which it would recover very quickly.

So what's the lesson here for gun violence? People should be more like plants. If you're trying to protect yourself, grow a really big pothos and wrap yourself in it fully, and then go into your gunfight. I'm not going to guarantee that a .500 S&W isn't going to penetrate, but you'd be silly to go into a gunfight without ballistic armor anyways. Let the pothos soak up all the small stuff. When you're done, take your pothos armor off (you could even call it a ghillie suit if you swing that way) and put it back in the hydroponics. I bet if you were a crafty sonofabitch you could breed a much stronger pothos, with leaves that resist penetration. I bet Monsanto could do it in a snap.

Which leads me to my next thought, which is not a solution to violence at all.

I'll bet a nickel that you could take a plant like a pothos, which is damn near unkillable, do some careful gene splicing for the environment you wish to "soften up" before sending in the Marines, and simply seed the environment first. Is a gene-doped plant considered a biological weapon? If it's immune to pesticides (Monsanto has already proved they can do this, in spades) and maybe it has something like noxious spoor or very strong stems that tangle tank treads and make infantry movement difficult (again, is this so far fetched?), could this simple houseplant be turned into a weapon of war?

I think it would be far easier than anyone thinks. I would bet in some lab, somewhere, people are plotting similar ideas. Especially at Monsanto.